Postpartum Anxiety and God's Grace

Entry: Thu, Dec 9, 2019 9:33 PM

That one time the enemy "tried" to take me out!

Yes, you read it correctly. I am claiming recovery from a period of time where my thoughts took control of me, fear and extreme nervousness filled my body and the most simple tasks brought me great concern as though I was in grave danger, preparing for doom! Chest pains, loss of appetite, stomach pains, intrusive thoughts and not even finding the happy in the most happiest of times. Everything seemed like a struggle, hands shaking and not wanting to leave the house, just to ensure that I stayed “safe”.

I think that during this time, my girls kept me strong because without them I would have given up but with them, my anxious thoughts roared even more loudly... simply because they are my world, being around to experience them as they grow is the most important thing in my life. I cherish each day with them and I enjoy knowing that they look up to me and I was trusted to guide them through their journey. 

Getting both of them here wasn’t easy though, there had been family drama in the midst of both pregnancies, the first more than the second. I experienced two difficult delivery experiences, the last one brought so much pain and uncertainty that I thought I was having a heart attack on the operating table. Many people shy away from telling you the dangers and traumas associated with c-sections let alone repeat c-sections. My journey over these last 90 days has been a whirlwind... I’ll go into details later but for now I’ll share what I’ve learned.

For starters, it is imperative to keep first things first and take each day for what it is and what it brings. Realize that having a bad day doesn’t mean the next won’t be better. Secondly, I realized that every day that I’m alive, having another day to impact those around me, is a great day!! Be present & put the cell phone down!! So much is missed when even trying to capture a memory with a photo or texting during what should be quality time. I found that I must protect my mind by filling my mind with positive thoughts, music, affirmation and God’s word. 

I am on a mission to take each day and make a difference, take the time to create the life that I want and re-engage with those that I love and tap into what I enjoy! Tonight I danced with my daughter to “dance with somebody”, rocked my baby girl to sleep and re-connected with an old friend. There is so much life to be lived, the enemy has no room over here.

I’ll share more on my healing and this journey soon! Until next time, protect your mental health!

Wellness & Peace be with you!

Candace