My Overdose

I didn't even realize what it was when it happened

It was the last thing I consumed before bed

waking up in the middle of deep rest for more consumption...

mornings consisted of the climax from a new dose...

Euphoria

Sure, I experimented before but this was like no other trip

the only thing that could calmly suffocate my anxious thoughts, stopping my breath to catch my breath, but had me "on ten" simultaneously

I felt unstoppable, free, superhuman

I ran to it for everything

when I was devastated

celebrated

jaded...confused

It was my muse

A muse that lead me to create better, to see myself better, to want more and more

& more...

negative side effects? non-existent.

which lead me further and further into excess

I really tried sticking with the recommended dose but I needed my fix all throughout the day..

I felt more conscious, my walk was different, even when I thought no one would notice..

my speech changed and I started to find my relationships changing too...

They couldn't relate to me most times and I was ok with that, still encouraging them to try it with me every chance I got

I became a pusher of some sorts, for the thing that I didn't even quite understand but knew that my life now depended on

My appetite was different and I even dropped a few pounds

Before now I've never experienced anything like this and it didn't come with the shackles like others have described their addictions

I. Truly. Felt. Alive.

Like I could soar

Viewing the explanations for everything from

new heights in such brilliant colors

My reflection in the mirror looked different, sure

but...

For the first time, I saw myself

I finally came to accept that I had a habit.

I overdosed on God!!

I know, I know... I know what you are thinking... "girl you play too much"

But I am sooo serious!

This has been the most exhilarating time of my life!

There is an understanding and a desire that has never been so strong before and incredibly intentional

it's a craving that offers true satisfaction after indulging

God is so loving, he waited for me

He saw my vulnerability as a catalyst for connection and healing

My pain as a segue to clarity and wholeness

....depression as a way to deliver me from what I thought defined me so that I could be introduced to true identity

And this is more common than one might think, "What, OD'ing?"...

Yeah, turning to God when all else fails (which is inevitable)

Some use this as a filter to mask their inadequacies under a  disguise called radical growth

but God has a way of using even these intentions for good 

We often think that we are fooling Him to nurse our own shame or self-induced heartache

But He knows us..

and how He shows up in our lives presents change

This newness manifests in us that which still brings Him full Glory!   

miraculous, if I must say so myself..

Ya even just a little curious now?

.. try Him... no matter the reason that brings you to God, you will never be the same.

Romans 8:28

Romans 10:14-15

If you are new to your faith walk or unsure of how to reconnect, I have something special just for you.... coming soon!

Off the Most-High Supply,

Candace